2008 is proving to be something of a defining moment for me and my reality competition TV shows. First, my preference to be Bret Michaels' Rock of Love, Ambre (the one who seemed destined for runner-up as she was so much less nasty - and thus, seemingly less appealing to Bret - than Daisy) actually won his heart, if only for long enough to get him some "hot monkey sex" (his words, not mine). Then, in the pinnacle of reality competitions, my choice (okay, full disclosure: my obsession) to win American Idol ACTUALLY won the show. And as if I could realistically ask for more, my favorite Top Chef contestant won not only the competition, but went on to win Fan Favorite, too! The tides have turned, the mood has changed and I'm starting to get excited about the possibilities for greatness. Perhaps it's the political atmosphere in this country, but I can't help feeling that there really is hope for a better crop of Reality Show winners. And isn't that what "a better tomorrow" is really all about, after all?
It's not just the winners that are improving. It's the runners-up, too. It's like judges (and producers, because let's be honest – they have a lot to do with the results no matter how much they may deny it) and the voting public has finally caught on to my long-held beliefs on judging standards:
1. If the show is trashy (such as "Rock of Love"), the final two should be comprised of the one winner we all know the host should choose and the one runner-up that is the most entertaining, controversial, trashy and hilarious, that you actually start to think might win it all. The longer he/she is in the competition, the longer we'll watch. Just don't let him/her win. We may love the theatrics, but ultimately, we trashy-show viewers are romantics at heart and want a fairy tale ending – hot monkey sex not withstanding.
2. If the show is a singing competition, get rid of the guy(s) and/or girl(s) I dislike the most right away. If you're not sure who that is, give me a call. I'm tired of enduring weeks and weeks of uninteresting performances by people I find boring/annoying/free of personality/egotistical. And while I could stop watching the show until they have been kicked off, it seems unfair to ask me to miss out on all of the performers who don't bother me. It would just be better to ask me who should get the boot. No one else need be consulted. If only I could get back those minutes of my life back where I had to sit through Syesha Mercado and Scott Savol performances. I could've had a V-8. But if there is one contestant that is clearly far-and-away better (and hotter) than the competition, and another that is a big draw for the tween vote AND can sing AND doesn't drive me nuts, I can appreciate the need for this demographic and I won't begrudge the advertisers, so the youth-vote can be allowed to keep their heartthrob in the competition until the finale. As long as the hot rocker wins it all.
3. Similar to the singing competition rules above, if there is a cooking show that has multiple unlikable contestants and a few obviously superior contestants, go ahead and let the judges keep ONE of the annoying contestants around for the finale, as the drama he or she will create will keep fair-weather watchers coming back. Even lead him or her to believe he or she will win it all. Just make sure one of the obviously deserving, non-irritating contestants wins. If unsure who falls into which category, again, I am happy to provide this information. Just give me a call. If these standards are followed, at the very minimum as loose guidelines, we can be assured of not only the best winners, but the best runners-up. And we all know what that could potentially mean: A better crop of people to star in upcoming "CelebReality" competitions on VH1! Who wouldn't watch "The Surreal Life: Season 14" starring Daisy, David Archuleta and Lisa?!
Thank you, Reality TV. It's been a long time coming. I am hopeful for the future as I have now seen that it really is possible for the best choice to win and that I don't always have to be disappointed in a reality competition's outcome. It seems that, finally, voters and judges have seen the light and, maybe psychically, have realized whose opinions should've been considered more carefully all along: Mine.
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